Monday, January 12, 2015

Road Raging For The Fun of It

I get a little road-ragey - it's true.  Who doesn't?  I usually try to temper my rage with humor when I can because I don't like the sensation of being angry.  This means shouting out random and weird things to drivers I see who I think are being kinda dumb.  An example of what I might randomly yell:
  • "Swerving at me repeatedly does not count as a turn signal, you moron"
  • "If the lane you're driving next to is averaging 20 MPH, and the lane you're IN is averaging 50 MPH, you drive FIFTY MPH!  You do not go 20 MPH, or some apologetic average of the two.  Jesus."
  • "HEY!  Did you notice how everyone in front of you is 15 miles away?  That's because you DON'T KNOW WHAT THE F- YOU'RE DOING!  MOVE IT!"
  • "Yeah, I see you there trying to cut off an entire lane of cars because you don't know how to merge.  Maybe the freeway isn't FOR you."
  • "Nice Mercedes.  Be a shame if I didn't hit my brakes, and just let you dent it off of my front bumper instead, jackass."

Just for fun, and to share a little something about myself, here are some basic rule of my road-space:
  1. I know what I'm doing.  If you don't know what you're doing, I'm not waiting around for you to figure it out.
  2. If you are trying to get across 3 lanes of traffic because you were in the far left lane and now you need to turn right, then you weren't paying attention, and now you don't get to be in front of me.
  3. Get off your phone.  GET OFF YOUR PHONE.
  4. I am a better driver than you are.  Get out of my way.
  5. If you do something utterly stupid, be prepared.  I can hold this horn down for a lonnnnnnng time.
(Warning - NSFW)

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